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Oh gods. Oh, Ianto, sweetie.

I spent quite a bit of time last night just holding my girlfriends while they cried. And, since I roleplay Ianto, watching him die was... surreal. Not something that made me cry, not something I could let myself mourn over... What finally started me bawling was thinking of what would happen to Jack now, because he went and let himself care, let himself need someone, and all the denials, all the deferrals, all the myriad ways Jack has to not talk about it were leading up to that one inescapable fact.

It's weird, being so firmly in a character's headspace.

Strangely enough, I'm not angry at Rusty for what he did. I saw it coming, and I feel kind of shitty saying it, when so many people didn't, but the story kind of demanded it, and I could see the lead-up. I was watching with a sick sense of horror, seeing it coming and not saying a word, because what if I was wrong? But I just knew it. I knew Ianto was going to die, and was bracing myself for most of the episode.

For Ianto to have lived, especially with the direction his relationship with Jack was taking, would have changed the nature of the series. Part of what makes Torchwood what it is is that Jack Harkness is an angsty bastard, who doesn't let people get too close. Jack needs his space, and he needs his secrets, and for Ianto to get too close would have changed that, and not for the better. For all that characters need to have some growth, there's a core to them that can't change, otherwise you lose what makes the series work. It's horrible, but from a storytelling standpoint, it was necessary.

It was a good death. He was doing what he wanted to do, fighting to save the world, and he was with Jack, and I don't think he could've had better, short of living to a ripe old age. And let's face it, we all know better than to expect that anyone in Torchwood will have the benefit of a long life, except for Jack himself, and that's more of a curse than a blessing for him. And even if Jack didn't say the words, I don't doubt for one second that Ianto knew, in those last moments, that he was loved.

I love Ianto Jones. He was one of the best parts of Torchwood for me. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop watching. Children of Earth has been Torchwood at its best, with the series finally living up to its potential, and if it keeps on being this good, I can't not watch.

The fact that people are in tears, that they're devastated over the death of a snarky teaboy who's betrayed his team, shot his coworkers, and fallen in love with his Captain? That means someone's doing it right.

I don't want him magically resurrected. It would be a cheat. He doesn't get any special exemptions because Jack loved him, and he shouldn't, because as much as Jack loved him, Jack also loved Tosh and Owen. Maybe not romantically or sexually, but he fucking loved them. You don't get to cheapen their deaths by implying that Ianto's somehow more special, or more deserving. You don't get to cheapen Ianto's sacrifice by undoing it. FUCK that.

Ianto Jones is dead. He was snarky and beautiful and brilliant, in his way, and now he's gone. It hurts, yes. And there's always fanfiction and RP for those of us who can't let go of him just yet (and, because I'm stupid and sentimental, I am going to bring him into yet another game, from literally just before he died, because what good's roleplaying if you can't pull a deus ex machina out of your ass now and again?), but as far as canon is concerned...

He did good.

And if Torchwood's writers know what they're doing, they'll let him rest. He's earned it.

(Also: the Ianto-muse wouldn't let me be until I wrote this. Because some things needed to be said, and you know that, as meticulous as he is, after losing Tosh and Owen, he'd have made certain arrangements.)


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Jaqui Lokadottir

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I've got a story in my pocket and a bag full of apples; I'm rewriting this fairy tale whether you like it or not.

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